Wednesday, September 19, 2007

First Names Vers Family Names

I've this belief that all men are equal (only in my world).
In the real world, we are not equal. Men seem to take the more superior roles whilst women are sometimes being suppressed.

Through out my career, I've always addressed my colleagues, superiors, customers by their first names. In turn, they address me by my first name too.

I'm working in a French company currently and I must say the first year was real hard as I had to understand their culture in order to also understand how they work and what they mean by certain expressions/words. Anyway to cut the story short, I have an internal struggle in my heart & my mind that is to address a person by his/her first name or by their family names.

I was told by my French teacher that it's really impolite to address a person by his/her first name unless you know the person real well. So I have to also utilise their polite form to speak to people (ie: vous = you = very polite form).

A fellow colleague told me that she should address the HEAD of the COMPANY as Mr XXX as she's just a lowly xxxxxx. Frankly, her comments shocked me. I feel that the company paid us for our professional services and we are not there just as a receptionist or a administrator or to be treated like a slave. We all contribute and do our part to deliver our tasks.

So one day, a Mr XXX walked through my front door. I said spontaneously, "Hi, XXX". XXX immediately turned standoffish and when he was done using the resources at our office, he stepped out without even saying a word of thanks. (I have had to set up the resources for him urgently, I had to call strangers up to get him the telephone numbers, while his personal assistant remained seated at their office doing nothing to help). She only has 1 boss to serve while I've 18 persons to serve + ad-hoc projects.

I shared my experience with other colleagues and they told me that XXX came from a prominent well-known family and expects others to address him as MR XXX instead.

MOTH thinks that I'm very uncultured addressing people or senior managers by their first names.

But my point is... if I'm uncultured by calling him XXX, how about MR XXX who came from a prominent family and must be well educated? Surely, he knows his manners to thank others for their help and utilising other's resources.

In my heart & in my blog, I think MR XXX is even more uncultured than I am then. A man of his level and intelligence is coming to Singapore to work (has worked in Asia for long time) and expecting everyone to understand his language, his culture, his behaviour, his preferences and their hierarchies in the society???

FYI, when I first started in my dept. I shocked the men by voicing my comments and standing up for my belief. I had to be aggressive in order to make my stand. And guess what they said about me: "I don't understand YOU CHINESE!" or "I don't know how to control this Chinese gal".

It doesn't make a single sense to me. Are they here in Singapore as our Masters? Or all we all here to work toward economical benefits? Do they think that Singaporean women are stupid and are here to wash their feet? I suggest they read the History of Singapore. Our founding fathers did not fight for a nation of independence from the British for nothing. We were taught to have backbones, to have integrity and to work hard for our families, our nation, in regardless of race, language & religion.

Alright, maybe I should learn to be less arrogant and address others by their family names instead. Afterall, I had to address my teachers as Sir, Madam, Miss, Mrs, blah blah.

As I'm writing this article, I'm reflecting on my relationship with my MIL also. The reason why I've drawn a clear line with her is because she thinks that Juniors (like myself) should bow to the wishes of the MIL. A good daughter in law should know her place by not speaking and arguing. Well, I'm sorry. I was created in my mother's womb for more worthy cause. I will not bow to unreasonable requests or behaviours or practises. I will not hesitate to speak my mind and say my piece should I have a need to. In my eyes, we are equal. I will not bow to her just because she's senior at home.

I simply will not put up with this. As I do not wish for my 3.5year old to grow up living in an environment where females are subject to supression by their in-laws or at the work place. We are in the YEAR 2007 not 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, 1970s...

Okie, that's me, my little arrogant and feminist mind.

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