Book Review: Marley & Me 2

Chapter 9 : The Stuff Males Are Made Of

I cracked my window & Marley began listing to starboard, leaning against me, trying to catch a whiff of the outdoor smells. Soon he had squirmed his way fully onto my lap and pressed his nose so firmly into the narrow crack of the window that he snorted each time he tried to inhale. Oh, Why Not? I thought. This was his last ride as a fully equipped member of the male gender; the least I could do was to give him a little fresh air. I opened the window wide enough to stick his snout out. He was enjoying the sensation so much, I opened it farther, and soon his entire head was out of the window. His ears flapped behind him in the wind and his tongue hung out like he was drunk on the ether side of the city. God, was he happy.... .... that Marley had hooked both of his front paws over the edge of the half-open window. And now his neck and upper shoulders were hanging out of the car, too. He just needed a pair of goggles and a silk scarf to look like one of those World War I flying aces.

"John, he's making me nervous," Jenny said.

"He's fine," I answered. "He just wants a little fresh -"

At that instant, he slid his front legs out of the window until his armpits were resting on the edge of the glass.

"John, grab him! Grab him!"

Before I could do anything, Marley was off my lap and scrambling out of the window of our moving car. His butt was up in the air, his hind legs clawing for a foothold. He was making a break. As his body slithered past me, I lunged for him and managed to grab the end of his tail with my left hand. Jenny was braking hard in the heavy traffic. Marley dangled fully outside the moving car, suspended upside down by his tail........ Jenny got the car stopped in the outside lane with cars lining up behind us, horns blaring. "Now, what?" I yelled........ I didn't dare let go out of him or he would surely dash in the path of one of the angry drivers swerving around us. I held on for dear life, my face, as it were, scrunched against the glass just inches from his giant flapping scrotum... ....

Our little drama has unfolded directly in front of a gas station... I looked over to see all the mechanics had come out to take in the show. I thought they were going to wet themselves, they were laughing so hard. "Thanks, guys!" I called out. "Glad we could brighten your morning."


Chapter 11 : The Things He Ate
One night when Jenny was about 5 months pregnant she got it in her head that we needed baby socks. Well, sure, we did, I agreed and of coz we would lay in a full complement before the baby arrived. But she didn't mean we would need them eventually; she meant we needed them right away. "We won't have anything to put on the baby's feet when we come home from the hospital," she said in a quavering voice.

Never mind that the due date was still 4 months away. Never mind that by then the outside temperature would be a frosty 96 degrees. Never mind that even a clueless guy like me knew a baby would be bundled head to toe in a receiving blanket when released from a maternity ward.

"Honey, c'mon," I said. "Be reasonable. It's 8 o'clock on Sunday night. Where am I supposed to find baby socks?"

"We need socks," she repeated.

"We have weeks to get socks," I countered. "Months to get socks."

"I just see those little tiny toes," she whimpered.

It was no use. I drove aro grumbling until I found a Kmart that was opened and picked out a festive selection of socks that were so ridiculously minuscule they looked like matching thumb warmers. When I got home and poured them out of the bag, Jenny was satisfied. At last, we had socks. And thank God, we managed to grab up the last few available pair before the national supply run dry, which could have happened at any moment without warning. Our baby's fragile little digits were now safe. We could go to bed and sleep in peace.